The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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