I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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