Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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