He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
