and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
