There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
