Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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