Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Operation Purity has been aborted
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
We need to get me chipped asap
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
