I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
