My nipple is on Facebook.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize