he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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