We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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