Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
