my soul wont recognize me after tonight
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
