I wish I could punch you in the face.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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