I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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