I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize