So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
porn star boner night. come get it.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
