I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
