he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Fuck appropriateness.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
