I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i think my mom watched the whole time
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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