we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
