what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
should my penis look like a turkey
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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