I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Everclear isn't food dammit
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
