There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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