Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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