ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
