So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
