i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
