Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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