Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
