Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just had sex on a roof
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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