I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
