I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
