i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I wish i was in the wii world.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
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