My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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