Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I looked at my own cervix.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
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