Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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