I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
