it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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