All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
