nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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