I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
