Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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