if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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