; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
