The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
