I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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