Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
