Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
