we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
We are two peas in an std pod
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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