please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
