I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
No...this little piggys going to the bar
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
