I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
