Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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