that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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