fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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