she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
