Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
