I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
COCAINE IS GR8
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
