You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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