At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
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