I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
