I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
