drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
